One other major question needs to be addressed: How do you know if the kink play around trauma related events is re-negotiating what happened to you or simply re-enacting (and potentially re-traumatizing) you?
Theo and Emma have a couple of important pointers for you that can help you understand the distinction and engage in healthier play that helps you shift energies and engage with trauma in a connected, meaningful and proactive way.
When trying to understand if your play is re-enacting or re-negotiating, think you the following topics:
• actual safety and your feelings and emotions around safety
• communication: with yourself, your play partner(s), your larger safety net (friends, therapist etc.)
• time and timing of the play
• place of the play (as in safe(r) space)
• your intention for playing
• your partner’s intention
• negotiation, consent, boundaries, pre-care and aftercare